A War That Has No Winner.

A War That Has No Winner.

I’ve been challenged to start writing again. Apparently, I am good at it and should explore it more. Tell me something that I don’t know! Seriously though, I really apologise for not being as consistent as I should be on this website.

A lot has happened since the last time I sat at this keyboard and intentionally uncaged my thoughts. I had Covid 19, like millions of people around the world and ended up with a bilateral pulmonary embolism (blood clot) which kept me in hospital for a few weeks. Sickness has a way of making space for clarity in your mind and gets you focused, especially when it’s life threatening. I know I am truly blessed to still be around and I can only thank my doctors, friends and family for coming through for me. I have a new belief in the theory that we shouldn’t choose our friends, we should let the hard times choose them for us.

Sickness has also led to a new struggle for me and it’s more of a mental one. For the first time in my life I get these waves of feeling vulnerable. I’ve never experienced sickness, in fact, I used to wear the “I’ve never slept in a hospital” badge like it was Champion’s League Medal. That has now changed and at times I feel as though my armour has been compromised. The positive and negative sides of my personality have been at loggerheads ever since I fell ill and some days it gets really dark.

Writing has always been carthartic for me and I guess my hope is that by staring at these words on the screen, re-reading them getting them published will help me to win this battle. I wake up grateful everyday and make a commitment to put myself first for once, but I can’t help but get swamped at times by these waves of sadness and questions of “why me?” – All I really want to be is 100% healthy.

Every cloud though has a silver lining and I have found that I get less bothered by life. Things that tipped me over the edge a few months ago now barely register. I have become more cognisant of the frailty of life and this has made me appreciative of every day and the need for quality days and nights. I have made a promise to be gentler with myself and others and never to allow ego to lead me down it’s dark path. Some days I lose, but most days I win.

We need to remind ourselves of our own mortality sometimes. This will, maybe, allow us to make better decisions about the things that matter to us. Wherever you are reading this from, I pray love, health and happiness for you and yours. We are only here for a moment, so let’s use that moment to leave the world a little better than we found it.

Deen over Dun’ya.